finding wonder in fragments

Have you ever gone through a time of uncertainties, when the world is a mess of unknowns? You don’t know what’s going on. And you just feel so out of control. Your life is a mess of fragments. Pieces of a puzzle and you’re not sure how the pieces fit.

All these feelings are a huge part of me right now. I’ve started the inevitable college application process…trying to figure out where my life is headed. And I feel so uncertain. I’m so focused on a tiny piece of my life, I’m having a hard time seeing the bigger story.

All this reminds me of studying pointillist painting. How if you look closely at a picture, all you can see if a mess of colored dots. And where is the beauty in that? But look at the painting as a whole. All the individual dots disappear into a larger image, beautifully combined into a whole. And suddenly you can see the beauty. There’s not simply individual blobs of color, but a masterpiece. A story.

The awe is not in the individual fragments of our lives, but in the wonderful whole those pieces are part of. There’s wonder in the fact that a tragic mess could be part of such a beautiful story.

the wonder in weekends

Weekends are for taking a little rest from the hectic and the busy at heart. For stilling our hearts to hectic Holiday schedules and exams and deadlines. And opening them, instead, to wonders.

Even if your weekend is packed full, if you’re just struggling to stay afloat, I challenge you to take ten minutes.

And just be still. No people surrounding you, no internet, no music. Just stillness.

Try to contemplate something awe-inspiring. Whatever your eyes land on, whatever’s surrounding you.

Be refreshed. Take in God’s Truth. Let it calm your troubled soul. Take in the beauty of the world. Be amazed by grace.

finding wonder in frustration

You know those lock-yourself-in-the-closest, hide-from-the-world days? Those days when you’re so frustrated and overwhelmed that you just want to quit writing a book and just read one instead?

I had one of those days today. I spent the entire day working on the first Act of my novel. Trying to get it ready for my deadline. Piecing together mismatching scenes, filling in gaping holes. Trying to weave a cohesive story.

It was exhausting work. I had to cut several scenes that simply didn’t belong anymore. Just thinking about the time I wasted crafting those scenes that ended up in the trash sent me crawling to the kitchen for hot chocolate. My understanding sister gave many undeserved hugs today.

As I sit down to blog, I’m at a loss. Where do you find the wonder in frustration?

I don’t have very good answers. Just some things I’m trying to remind myself of.

1. Think bigger than today’s struggles. Contrary to what it may feel like, your entire life has not been filled with frustration. Remember that we’re all learning and growing. You’re a better write, a better artist, a better musician than you were a month or a year ago. The fact that you have a rough day doesn’t negate that reality. And wonder in the fact that you are constantly maturing, both in writing and in life.

3. Eat small bites. Constantly today, my sister asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?” And though I rolled my eyes at her, she’s right. Take it one step (or bite) at a time. You can’t conquer a massive project in one day. And though it may feel like three tiny bites won’t help you eat an entire elephant, you can’t succeed without those bites. So don’t worry about how you’re going to conquer the entire project. Just work on the next step. And wonder in the God-given strength that enables us to take things one step at a time.

3. Start again tomorrow. Maybe you need to take a break. Get some sleep. Go read that book. And tomorrow, start when you’re refreshed and energized once more. Wonder in the grace of breaks.

find wonder in the big

I roll the blackened rock between my fingers. A fragment of another world. A meteorite off my dad’s shelf. How amazing is it that we can touch and feel particles from other planets, from objects that hurtle through space?

If Astronomy has taught me anything this semester, it has taught me wonder. We live in such an amazing universe. All created and and held together by a Sovereign Hand. The galaxy is truly astonishing.

Wondering at the vast universe you live in will make you realize your own smallness. And you know what? There’s an even bigger Creator, who breathed stars and asteroids and. Vast. Eternal. Unmeasured.

Never stop wondering at the bigness of it all.

find wonder in fear

I sat on the back pew, wiping my sweaty hands on my black dress. As I listened to the violin performances before me, I struggled to stay focused. To push away the fear.

My throat kept growing tighter. Bach, Vivaldi, and Mozart echoed in my ears, doing nothing to relieve the anxiety. In desperation, I grabbed my notebook and pen. Somehow feeling the flow of ink on paper calmed my nervous hands.

I was groping. Struggling to shut out the fear. I scribbled and, because I had blog posts to write, began thinking about wonder.

“There is wonder of adrenaline. The human body really is an amazing thing. It recognizes threatening or intimidating situations and reacts with an immediate surge of energy. But it still functions under such conditions to the point of being able to produce such a beautiful, wonderful cacophony or music.

“There is wonder in learning. Students who started out as frightened, struggling musicians of six and eleven years old have blossomed into capable artists, comfortable on a stage and in their own playing. Students who began concertos with squeaky uncertainties and faltering intonation, now flow expertly through challenging passages. And when knees tremble and it feels like fingers will never be able to find the right notes, somehow we find the strength to keep it all pulled together. “

Do you know what’s so amazing? Writing this calmed my nerves. Why?

Because wonder takes the focus off us.

The point of the recital wasn’t me. And wondering in the One who crafted adrenaline and learning capabilities and beautiful instruments forced me to focus on what was important.

Wonder is an antidote for fear.

Worrying and stressing only produces more terror. So when fear has you gripped in her grasping hands, get your eyes off yourself. Put them on Him and the wonder-filled works he has done.

seeking wonder in the everyday quiet

Gravel crunches underfoot. Overhead, the silver of barren branches brushes up next to the impenetrable blue. The sun is playing hide and seek behind puffs of white. Who knew that clouds could be on fire, burning white, glaring majesty?

I smile, squinting, as the sun comes out of its hiding and continue on my way. See, I’m on a mission. An adventure in discovering wonder.

And our UPS truck roars toward me on our gravel road. He rushes past, kicking up a cloud of dust in his path. It fills my lungs and I cough. I wonder what sort of emergency the driver’s in and if he even is aware of the beauty he’s rushing past. There’s this sudden urge to write his story.

The dust clears and my eyes are open wide, seeking.

Where do you find this elusive wonder? Where is it hiding?

Chesterton spoke truly in saying that, “The world will never starve for want of wonders.” Our lives are brimming to the full of everyday miracles. But somehow our eyes are closed shut and we’ve become immune to the glory of it all.

It’s amazing what you see when you open your eyes. I spot the lacy branches that look like spiderwebs over a clear sky. I’m amazed by the beauty. In awe that, by breathing out words of prayer, I’m entering into the presence of the Creator of it all.

But this attitude of awe isn’t confined to my walk this morning. You can find wonder anywhere. In any circumstance, in any position in life, in any moment. On a walk, at your desk, doing homework. It doesn’t matter where. The search for wonder isn’t complicated. But neither is it easy.

Be still. Know He is God. Start today. Open your eyes. Learn to stop rushing. Breathe. Remember that you are not in control. But Someone else is. Be quiet. Look for the everyday miracles.

wonder-filled craziness

I love doing crazy things. Last December, I completed a photo challenge, posting a new photo everyday on my {old} blog. It was one of my hardest months of blogging. But at the end of the month, I had learned so much. This year, I’m in the mood for more craziness. But my new challenge is going to be a little different.

I’m going to spend a month exploring wonder and how it influences my writing.

Why is this so important?

Wonder is an attitude. A way you look at the world. It’s waking up and opening your eyes to the little miracles that God works in our ordinary lives.

This attitude is not common. And yet I firmly believe that you cannot write well without wonder. An author must never pass over objects as “just stop signs” or “just tea mugs” or, heaven forbid, “just people”.

Every object holds meaning. Every person is filled with a story, hidden deep away.

It’s an author’s job to uncover mysterious stories in stop signs and tea mugs and people in coffee shops. And to find those stories, you must change your attitude about the world. You must put aside being busy and take the time to notice the smallest details. Every object has a part in the God’s glorious tale.

When you begin to wonder at the everyday miracles, you will begin to feel your soul brimming with stories. Stories waiting to be told.

This is my mission for the next month. To chronicle my adventures in wonder. To awaken to the ordinary miracles.

“The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.” G. K. Chesterton

staying strong

I have many writing friends who are striving to finish NaNoWriMo right now. It’s a hard task–to write 50,000 words in a month. They only have a couple days left to finish their word counts. To reach their goals.

Although I’m not doing NaNoWriMo, I have a writing deadline of my own hanging over me. I need to finish my novel in order to take it to a workshop in a month. There’s a deadline. And a goal.

How do you focus when your mind is already so tired? When your fingers have been typing for so long and all you want is a little rest? Drafting a novel is exhaustion work. Not only physically exhausting with all the late nights and long hours of typing. But emotionally exhaustion as you pour so much of yourself into your work.

For my friends who are struggling to meet the deadline:

Stay strong. The month’s almost over…the goal is so close.

Just Keep writing. Even if you’re 30,000 words behind and there’s no way of watching up. You won’t regret a word you type. The more you write, the better you will get. Don’t stop.

{On an unrelated note, I’m sorry for my unexcused absence the last week. Thanksgiving and an 102 degree fever caught me off guard and wrecked havoc with my writing time. But I’m back in the saddle and back at the keyboard.}

Dawn is approaching. Outside my window, a misty fog wraps the trees in vague shadow. I’m tired. I want to wander out into the mist. And the day is standing before me, a long string of to-dos. And I’m just hoping to make it through. Praying for strength.

There is so much to do. 23,000 words that need to be created before the end of the month. I need a first draft to go into the Holidays, to tweak before I leave for a Writing Workshop on the first day of a new year. I’ve been doing 1000 a day. But I need to be doing more. I’m trying to just take it one step at a time.

“The LORD is my strength…My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.” Ps. 28:7